bad experiance

"what's wrong with her"
"well, she's had a bad experiance with people"
"really what happened"
"they talked to her"

a little nightmare is always good

i love the little mickey back there next to darth vadar. actually it kind of creeps me out too.

cat foolery

if you look closely you can see my friend amy lee in there...

i heart roman dirge

trina's hair part deux

so after my initial post about trina's scary dread i was reminded of a comic, so here it is....

don't tell me my dog doesn't watch tv

some more drawings

here are some older drawings... although seeing them makes me want to go to the art store, buy supplies and start sketching again...

papa can you hear me.....

scary spider web, trina's dread, you decide...

NIRVANA

i have a new little niece. she's the most cutest pitty bull butt ever....


next to her cousin michela bella princess of the world....

part two of a day in the life of v (READ PART ONE FIRST)


i blink to adjust. i blink rapidly. the more rapidly i blink the blurrier it gets. my eyes finally adjust a little and he’s gone. i feel empty.


i look around me, up my arms, down my legs, on my clothes, in the crevices of my shoe, and i keep looking and all i see are the lines of gunk on my shoe and the red lines of scratching and the gunk on my hand. the idea of the gunk plagues me some more. there is someone walking towards me. i can’t see who it is. i don’t want them to get infected by my gunk, so i bolt out the door. i try to formulate some words, maybe as an apology or explanation, but i can’t. i hit the door , which shut. the bus is moving now. i fall backwards and hit my tailbone on one of the steps. an amazing amount of pain jolts up through the base of my spine. i shake despite myself. i turn to confront the person who was going to talk to me, but they’re gone now. actually everone who was on the bus seems to be gone now, all except for a few strays. it was full a minute ago and now it seems as though there are people placed symmetrically throughout the bus on purpose and no one is paying any attention to me now. which is a strange feeling because they should be looking at me. i just fell and i made a fuss, cause lord knows i’m not the quietest of souls. i am offended that they don’t care, highly offended. what if i couldn’t move? what if something was broken? where the hell did that person go? i get up slowly but the bus jerks and i fall back down. i look around and not one person flinched. my eyes begin to water again. i can’t see anything now. i stay on the steps of the bus waiting for an exit to appear. i want to get off this bus. i think i passed my exit. actually i know it. i should have gotten off a while ago. i can feel it inside of me. i should have gotten off. that is why things are so strange now. that’s why there is only weirdness surrounding me. plesase just open the doors. all i want to do is get off. a moment of logic hits me and i wonder if that is the right solution. i don’t know where i am andi can’t get off now. that may be a stupid thing. i’m caught between thoughts and open doors. wait, the doors opened. it’s dark on the outside. i still can’t see well and the darkness outside is only helping my blind plight. i don’t want to get off here but i don’t want to stay on the bus either. there’s still gunk on my hand. i begin to obsess again. i forget about the bus, the exit, everything and i stare at the gunk, trying to get it in focus so that i can get rid of it once and for all. i will be done with it soon enough.

it’s all dark now. it looks like dirt, the gunk. three dimensional dirt protruding from my skin like some festering skin disease. all of a sudden i hear a bell ringing obnoxiously iin the distance and it gets closer and closer. i look up and try to focus. the doors of the bus are opening and closing – over and over again. i look up and try to focus. all of the people who were once ignoring me are now giving me dirty looks. they begin to mix in together but the driver stands out. she has the dirtiest look of them all as she pulls the door lever over and over again. above her in bright red is the word exit flashing. i begin to wonder where that came from because i know it wasn’t there before. the driver gets up, but i don’t notice it until she is halfway towards me. she looks like she is going to kill me which doesn’t bother me as much as the little piece of rotted tooth in her mouth. i began to wonder why her teeth were deteriorating and i feel that i can actually see her teeth decaying in front of me. i get lost in tracing that process, seeing the festering viruses snap at the insides of her teeth. her teeth helpless victims of her lack of care, and then there was black.


i awake with a headache and i am sitting up against a wall placed there seemingly gently. gently except for the big bump on the back of my head. there is ringing in my head due to the pain which irritates more so than the bump does. it’s like a screen door that taps in the wind over and over until you would tear down that door rather than hear it and live with the consequences but then you realize that the consequences are the fly’s that fly in and around and around that are just as annoying. trying to see the point is a lost cause so i get up. i fall back onto the wall but at least i’m standing up. i can feel everything spinning, turning me round and round. i can’t focus on anything and the wall blends into my hand, becoming my hand. it begins to hurt and freeze yet i can’t concentrate enough to realize the exact amount of pain. i need to fall and i want the ground to swallow me up, this all seems a little too dramatic. i fall.


someone is holding me. i open my eyes and see the most brilliant smile ever. it’s the boy. he asks me what happened. i just smile at him and stand up. he asks how my day went and i shrug. i didn’t even know it was over. we begin to walk. i ask him where we are going and he tells me that he is walking me home. i smile. i look at the floor and walk a little behind him so that he can guide the way. i begin to wonder why those people that bumped into me this morning where so frightened of me when they looked at me. what was it that shocked them? i wonder what i looked like at that moment that would make them so anxious to get away from me.

i hear the boy talking and i look up. i see visions of people i might know. i smile meekly at them and stare back at my feet. the gunk is still on my hand. which is annoying. i look up because i know his smile will make me forget but when i look up all i see is my apartment building. he is gone, probably with the other voices i heard. i look to the corner and i see my friend floating away. he turns, smiles and shakes his head as he continues to float away. i walk up to my apartment. i open the door. i go and get a knife out of my drawer. i get the knife because the gunk is going to go one way or another. i sit down in front of the mirror and try to focus. i see myself and now i know. i look around me and see nothing. i look in front of me and see the same. my eyes lose their focus again and i’m alone with only my thoughts to confuse and amuse me.

please be a witness to a vicious pit bull attack...
it's absolutely terrifing.. now remember you've been warned, these images may frighten you.. it's just unspeakable.... unspeakable....










it's sooo unspeakable that a pup could love her daddy that much... it's really soo hard being soooo vicious...

here's part one of two, and older story

a day in the life of v


i walk outside. i don’t know why but i do. it’s bright, too bright if you ask me. my eyes keep shifting, coming in and out of focus in order to adjust. they never do. but I will keep trying to make them adjust. i put on my specs in order to distract the light a little but it’s still there and my battle with focus will continue throughout the day. i sigh to myself and presume to walk. i don’t really know where i’m headed but i know that i have to get there soon. i’m late, i always am, well i usually am. time just seems to mesh together at times and i don’t realize where it went.

well all this goes through my mind as i walk towards the bus. i see a friend of mine through my sideway vision but i can’t look directly at her to say hello. the light forces my eyes down. so i stand there for a second. i decide that she does not or will not see me so i continue walking. i wonder why she didn’t see me. what i had done or what i was doing. it plagues me the whole way and then i notice it. i just stepped in gunk, there’s gunk on my shoe.

i continue to walk because i know that i am late. and as i continue to walk i hear it. the constant sound of the gunk sticking to the floor and my shoe suctioning off the ground. the constant repetitibe noise just drives me insane. i stop. two people who were following a little too close behind me bumped into me. they are not amused. they scoff at me as they angrily walk around me until they look into my eyes, which are still trying to focus. they quickly turn and keep walking. they don’t see me smiling meekly and my quite apology, which somehow got lost in the translation. i’ll have to think more about that later, but right now my only concern is that my shoe is suctioned to the ground and i have to save it.

i sit down. i am aware that i am in the middle of the sidewalk, but my optimum concern lies on the gunk, my shoe, and its salvation. but as soon as i sit down i realize that my bare hands are my only weapon to foil the plans of the gunk, which are to drive me crazy. the problem is that i just washed my hands before i left and they are exceptionally clean. so i sit for a minute thinking, thinking very carefully about it. clean hands versus gunk. i decided to kill it, foil its plans, and send it back to hell. i attack it with all i have. i succeed in getting it off my shoe. there were a few little strands but i can over look them. they won’t suction me to the floor and i feel accomplished.


i smile and through my blurry vision i see my friend. maybe the only real one i have. he floats in and out occasionally. today he’s floating in. i smile at him and he smiles back a bit distracted. i get hurt. i ask him what he’s doing her and he asks me why there is gunk on my hand. i understand the distraction now. i frown. i get up and walk towards the grass, but there is none. i ask him for napkin, but he doesn’t have one. the lamppost will have to do. we stand there staring towards each other for a while. i’m searching for a look of need or purpose or caring. he seems distant. he smiles and says that my hair looks cute. i forget everything else. everything except the gunk on my hand and we laugh as we try to make it leave. the gunk still has its kamikaze mission to send me into bizerkko land. and it would have succeeded had it not been for the small amounts of laughter coming from my friend and me. through some hard work the gunk is gone though now i feel dirty. he askes me where i am going, i shrug “but i’m late”. he tells me that i usually am and we walk in silence for a while then he floats away. i wonder when he will float back in and even if he will. i get so lost in this thought that i almost miss my bus, but it was there waiting. i think back as wish that i would have looked at where the bus was headed to get some idea of where i was headed but i didn’t. i did know however that it was the right way. so i sat in the bus and continued to think of my friend. i wonder where he’s going, and why he was acting so strange today. he seemed in no hurry but i’m anxious for him anyway. i was and still am uneasy. he always does that to me.

i wonder about that as i try to move my hand. a small amount of suction is pulling it down. it is only a small amount, almost inaudible and almost not worth feeling, but it’s there just waiting for me. it’s the gunk again. it’s there, i know it’s there i can feel it. i try to ignore it but it’s useless. there it is mocking me as the bus moves on, laughing at me. i try not to listen but it’s everywhere. i look at my hand and it’s there smiling at me, slyly. i try to scratch it off with my nails but that is to no avail. my hand is becoming red and i have more skin in my nails than gunk. it all become too much and i start to cry. actually the tears just start to fall as i look at my hand. people are staring at me i can feel it their eyes wondering as they look over me. i try to look up to look at them but my eyes still haven’t found their focus so all i see are images turning away. i get distracted because my hands feel wet. i don’t know if it’s tears or blood. the tears in my eyes are making the focusing worse and so all i see is a red mesh and feel a wet mess. yet through my warped vision i can still feel their eyes on me, this bloody teary psychotic mess.

a boy offers me a napkin. i take it. i wonder, as my eyes focus on him, if he is going to turn away now. he sits down, smiles and me and says something. i am confounded and shocked that in all my blurry mess i see this amazing smile that is so engulfing that my tears so down. hw says that i shouldn’t cry, he hands me a napkin with something on it. he tells me to use it to clean my hand, and to trust him because it will. and in a completed lack of character, i do. not because i trust him, although i feel that i do, but because this gunk is driving me crazy and i really need it to leave before something really devastating happens. so i use this boy’s napkin with the stuff on it, and it cleans it, it does the job. i smile grandly and look over at him. he’s still there sitting next to me, but is distracted by these little toys of his. they look like nice toys and i stare over his shoulder for a little bit. my eyes still not being able to see everything, but i see that smile again and i feel all right. then i notice it. there is a bit of my gunk on his toys. i panic. i try to make him notice, but i can’t seem to talk. the worlds just won’t come out. i start crying again. he puts his arms around me and hugs me. and for a moment there i forget everything and things are all right. but them i remember the gunk and push him away. i point over and over, but he doesn’t notice. then it begins to happen. i can feel it at the tips of my fingers and working its way through. it all begins to get numb and it will continue to until it gets to the back of my neck. i look at him for help though i know he couldn’t possibly understand. he just smiles at me and i get lost in the smile for a while, enough time to be unaware of how far the numbness has traveled. i don’t want to do this. i’m worried. he casually gets up, smiles at me, and picks up his toys. i see the gunk on his stuff and scream out. he covers his ears, drops his stuff, and turns to leave. and then i see the gunk on him. it’s going to happen to him now. i have infected him and he will now carry the gunk with him, a constant reminder of me. not a good one either. as he leaves the bus he turns around and smiles at me. he says he will see me later and not to cry. i get lost in his smile again and it’s the only thing i can see now. it comforts be despite myself and i smile back. the it all goes blurry.

sonia spies a very good looking man across the way. and when i say very i mean very... after minutes of staring and acting like 14 year old school girls marcela and i convince her to walk by him and try to bump into him (still in school girl mentality) she gives us the go ahead, she's going ...
having much more bravado than either marcela or myself she walks right up to him and started talking. marcela and i try not to stare and pretend to have the conversation that would surely solve all the issues with the world we include serious looks, gestures and laughing. we look up and there they were talking and laughing and walking back towards the table. score, she got her man. he grabbed a smoke, shook her hand and walked away. he apparently had a girlfriend but as she said he was very "nice about it." but then this is what we had to deal with for like a 5 whole seconds...but alas, the night was young and there were more men to stalk, i mean talk to .... lip gloss please....

ha ha ha ha ha

i was walking through an old room, a towering place which seemed never-ending. dust filtered through the air, not allowing me to see. i could make out the ancient paintings of lost souls animated yet never moving. as i continued to walk i felt something burning me. candles were surrouding me. candles which bleed instead of dropping their own life substance. candles that turned into hands that dripped with wax as i passed them. i had never seen a place quite like this, so beautiful and frightening. i had to keep moving. i looked down at the floor and saw more blood. the floors were hard, cold, torn and decaying and its splinters pierced the skin of my feet as i walked. I felt the sensations, but nothing close to the pain i should feel. i kept moving. i knew what i was looking for was at the end of this path. i continued to walk feeling feeling the skin on my feet peeling, seeing the sights, and feeling the eyes. the end came near as the towering room made me feel all the more insignificant. i felt a breeze come through the locked doors. the doors were breathing, filling me with what felt like the spirits long awaiting their passage. then i saw him, who he was i couldn't tell, but he felt familiar which seemed enough. i looked around one more time before i took his hand and realized that the paintings all had real eyes.

see me
look at me
you look around me
i'm almost invisible to you
you see me as you want to see me
nothing more and nothing less
look in me
feel me
feel as me
touch me with your eyes
soothe me
excite me
show me your world as you look through mine
i need this from you
i want this from you
i want to get fucked up
turn me upside
inside
outside
anyside
just turn me
i want your eyes on me
see deeper in me
deeper than anyone or god should
ravish me
burn my blood
my flesh
my scar tissue
send me your heat
hurt me with it
open me up
let me flow into you in streams
gushing at you
welcome me to the blacks of your pupils
mold me in your darkness
take me in your darkness
lose me there and hold me
make me scared
i want to fear
my heart to stop
my breath to get heavy
poison me with your malevolent being
i want this
stop seeing through me

lost delusions of a sacred heart
happy in its own fruitlessness
a mind lives in an empty room
with only itself to console it
a body runs through a field
an illusion so willing to be brought forth
dying in a hill of forgotten feelings