part two of a day in the life of v (READ PART ONE FIRST)
i blink to adjust. i blink rapidly. the more rapidly i blink the blurrier it gets. my eyes finally adjust a little and he’s gone. i feel empty.
i look around me, up my arms, down my legs, on my clothes, in the crevices of my shoe, and i keep looking and all i see are the lines of gunk on my shoe and the red lines of scratching and the gunk on my hand. the idea of the gunk plagues me some more. there is someone walking towards me. i can’t see who it is. i don’t want them to get infected by my gunk, so i bolt out the door. i try to formulate some words, maybe as an apology or explanation, but i can’t. i hit the door , which shut. the bus is moving now. i fall backwards and hit my tailbone on one of the steps. an amazing amount of pain jolts up through the base of my spine. i shake despite myself. i turn to confront the person who was going to talk to me, but they’re gone now. actually everone who was on the bus seems to be gone now, all except for a few strays. it was full a minute ago and now it seems as though there are people placed symmetrically throughout the bus on purpose and no one is paying any attention to me now. which is a strange feeling because they should be looking at me. i just fell and i made a fuss, cause lord knows i’m not the quietest of souls. i am offended that they don’t care, highly offended. what if i couldn’t move? what if something was broken? where the hell did that person go? i get up slowly but the bus jerks and i fall back down. i look around and not one person flinched. my eyes begin to water again. i can’t see anything now. i stay on the steps of the bus waiting for an exit to appear. i want to get off this bus. i think i passed my exit. actually i know it. i should have gotten off a while ago. i can feel it inside of me. i should have gotten off. that is why things are so strange now. that’s why there is only weirdness surrounding me. plesase just open the doors. all i want to do is get off. a moment of logic hits me and i wonder if that is the right solution. i don’t know where i am andi can’t get off now. that may be a stupid thing. i’m caught between thoughts and open doors. wait, the doors opened. it’s dark on the outside. i still can’t see well and the darkness outside is only helping my blind plight. i don’t want to get off here but i don’t want to stay on the bus either. there’s still gunk on my hand. i begin to obsess again. i forget about the bus, the exit, everything and i stare at the gunk, trying to get it in focus so that i can get rid of it once and for all. i will be done with it soon enough.
it’s all dark now. it looks like dirt, the gunk. three dimensional dirt protruding from my skin like some festering skin disease. all of a sudden i hear a bell ringing obnoxiously iin the distance and it gets closer and closer. i look up and try to focus. the doors of the bus are opening and closing – over and over again. i look up and try to focus. all of the people who were once ignoring me are now giving me dirty looks. they begin to mix in together but the driver stands out. she has the dirtiest look of them all as she pulls the door lever over and over again. above her in bright red is the word exit flashing. i begin to wonder where that came from because i know it wasn’t there before. the driver gets up, but i don’t notice it until she is halfway towards me. she looks like she is going to kill me which doesn’t bother me as much as the little piece of rotted tooth in her mouth. i began to wonder why her teeth were deteriorating and i feel that i can actually see her teeth decaying in front of me. i get lost in tracing that process, seeing the festering viruses snap at the insides of her teeth. her teeth helpless victims of her lack of care, and then there was black.
i awake with a headache and i am sitting up against a wall placed there seemingly gently. gently except for the big bump on the back of my head. there is ringing in my head due to the pain which irritates more so than the bump does. it’s like a screen door that taps in the wind over and over until you would tear down that door rather than hear it and live with the consequences but then you realize that the consequences are the fly’s that fly in and around and around that are just as annoying. trying to see the point is a lost cause so i get up. i fall back onto the wall but at least i’m standing up. i can feel everything spinning, turning me round and round. i can’t focus on anything and the wall blends into my hand, becoming my hand. it begins to hurt and freeze yet i can’t concentrate enough to realize the exact amount of pain. i need to fall and i want the ground to swallow me up, this all seems a little too dramatic. i fall.
someone is holding me. i open my eyes and see the most brilliant smile ever. it’s the boy. he asks me what happened. i just smile at him and stand up. he asks how my day went and i shrug. i didn’t even know it was over. we begin to walk. i ask him where we are going and he tells me that he is walking me home. i smile. i look at the floor and walk a little behind him so that he can guide the way. i begin to wonder why those people that bumped into me this morning where so frightened of me when they looked at me. what was it that shocked them? i wonder what i looked like at that moment that would make them so anxious to get away from me.
i hear the boy talking and i look up. i see visions of people i might know. i smile meekly at them and stare back at my feet. the gunk is still on my hand. which is annoying. i look up because i know his smile will make me forget but when i look up all i see is my apartment building. he is gone, probably with the other voices i heard. i look to the corner and i see my friend floating away. he turns, smiles and shakes his head as he continues to float away. i walk up to my apartment. i open the door. i go and get a knife out of my drawer. i get the knife because the gunk is going to go one way or another. i sit down in front of the mirror and try to focus. i see myself and now i know. i look around me and see nothing. i look in front of me and see the same. my eyes lose their focus again and i’m alone with only my thoughts to confuse and amuse me.
i blink to adjust. i blink rapidly. the more rapidly i blink the blurrier it gets. my eyes finally adjust a little and he’s gone. i feel empty.
i look around me, up my arms, down my legs, on my clothes, in the crevices of my shoe, and i keep looking and all i see are the lines of gunk on my shoe and the red lines of scratching and the gunk on my hand. the idea of the gunk plagues me some more. there is someone walking towards me. i can’t see who it is. i don’t want them to get infected by my gunk, so i bolt out the door. i try to formulate some words, maybe as an apology or explanation, but i can’t. i hit the door , which shut. the bus is moving now. i fall backwards and hit my tailbone on one of the steps. an amazing amount of pain jolts up through the base of my spine. i shake despite myself. i turn to confront the person who was going to talk to me, but they’re gone now. actually everone who was on the bus seems to be gone now, all except for a few strays. it was full a minute ago and now it seems as though there are people placed symmetrically throughout the bus on purpose and no one is paying any attention to me now. which is a strange feeling because they should be looking at me. i just fell and i made a fuss, cause lord knows i’m not the quietest of souls. i am offended that they don’t care, highly offended. what if i couldn’t move? what if something was broken? where the hell did that person go? i get up slowly but the bus jerks and i fall back down. i look around and not one person flinched. my eyes begin to water again. i can’t see anything now. i stay on the steps of the bus waiting for an exit to appear. i want to get off this bus. i think i passed my exit. actually i know it. i should have gotten off a while ago. i can feel it inside of me. i should have gotten off. that is why things are so strange now. that’s why there is only weirdness surrounding me. plesase just open the doors. all i want to do is get off. a moment of logic hits me and i wonder if that is the right solution. i don’t know where i am andi can’t get off now. that may be a stupid thing. i’m caught between thoughts and open doors. wait, the doors opened. it’s dark on the outside. i still can’t see well and the darkness outside is only helping my blind plight. i don’t want to get off here but i don’t want to stay on the bus either. there’s still gunk on my hand. i begin to obsess again. i forget about the bus, the exit, everything and i stare at the gunk, trying to get it in focus so that i can get rid of it once and for all. i will be done with it soon enough.
it’s all dark now. it looks like dirt, the gunk. three dimensional dirt protruding from my skin like some festering skin disease. all of a sudden i hear a bell ringing obnoxiously iin the distance and it gets closer and closer. i look up and try to focus. the doors of the bus are opening and closing – over and over again. i look up and try to focus. all of the people who were once ignoring me are now giving me dirty looks. they begin to mix in together but the driver stands out. she has the dirtiest look of them all as she pulls the door lever over and over again. above her in bright red is the word exit flashing. i begin to wonder where that came from because i know it wasn’t there before. the driver gets up, but i don’t notice it until she is halfway towards me. she looks like she is going to kill me which doesn’t bother me as much as the little piece of rotted tooth in her mouth. i began to wonder why her teeth were deteriorating and i feel that i can actually see her teeth decaying in front of me. i get lost in tracing that process, seeing the festering viruses snap at the insides of her teeth. her teeth helpless victims of her lack of care, and then there was black.
i awake with a headache and i am sitting up against a wall placed there seemingly gently. gently except for the big bump on the back of my head. there is ringing in my head due to the pain which irritates more so than the bump does. it’s like a screen door that taps in the wind over and over until you would tear down that door rather than hear it and live with the consequences but then you realize that the consequences are the fly’s that fly in and around and around that are just as annoying. trying to see the point is a lost cause so i get up. i fall back onto the wall but at least i’m standing up. i can feel everything spinning, turning me round and round. i can’t focus on anything and the wall blends into my hand, becoming my hand. it begins to hurt and freeze yet i can’t concentrate enough to realize the exact amount of pain. i need to fall and i want the ground to swallow me up, this all seems a little too dramatic. i fall.
someone is holding me. i open my eyes and see the most brilliant smile ever. it’s the boy. he asks me what happened. i just smile at him and stand up. he asks how my day went and i shrug. i didn’t even know it was over. we begin to walk. i ask him where we are going and he tells me that he is walking me home. i smile. i look at the floor and walk a little behind him so that he can guide the way. i begin to wonder why those people that bumped into me this morning where so frightened of me when they looked at me. what was it that shocked them? i wonder what i looked like at that moment that would make them so anxious to get away from me.
i hear the boy talking and i look up. i see visions of people i might know. i smile meekly at them and stare back at my feet. the gunk is still on my hand. which is annoying. i look up because i know his smile will make me forget but when i look up all i see is my apartment building. he is gone, probably with the other voices i heard. i look to the corner and i see my friend floating away. he turns, smiles and shakes his head as he continues to float away. i walk up to my apartment. i open the door. i go and get a knife out of my drawer. i get the knife because the gunk is going to go one way or another. i sit down in front of the mirror and try to focus. i see myself and now i know. i look around me and see nothing. i look in front of me and see the same. my eyes lose their focus again and i’m alone with only my thoughts to confuse and amuse me.
posted by silentmekare at 1:34 PM
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